fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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