There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
