dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
