and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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