PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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