My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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