Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
