in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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