I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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