I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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