A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
