on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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