Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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