I wish I only lived at night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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