Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
