That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
