I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
