theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
