Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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