I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
