So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
