Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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