Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
