Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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