i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
