u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were trust falling into bushes
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