She said her name was "party"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
