I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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