u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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