I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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