I want to stick my p in your. b.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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