Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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