i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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