well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
