broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
