Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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