and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
