I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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