I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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