We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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