I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
