i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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