I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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