Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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