We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
