so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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