Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
