no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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