So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
