that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Never joke about your clitoris.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
