____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
