I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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