and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
