Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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