i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
