you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
