I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
