Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
