My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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