I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
