dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
