First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
