The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
