I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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