I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
