whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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