Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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