this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
