woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
