lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
