Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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