I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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