Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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