We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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