So drunk its hurt
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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