it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
