She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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