We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
