I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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