You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
