I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
